As promised I'm here to begin blogging again! I think I have a new direction I want to take my blog in hopes that it grows me as well as anyone who might be reading it. With that being said first ill just give a brief update on life.
With the new year now in full swing, I (like many others) have examined my last year of life. The result of such has both left me disappointed and hopeful looking ahead. To be quite blunt and to the point, I feel as though last year (more so the last half) was perhaps one of my worst. I cant pin down any specific reasons, whether it be just sheer exhaustion from life or something else I just get a very empty feeling thinking about that season of my life. With that being said I've found hope going forward from this.
I think the main issue I've been wrestling with over these months is trust. With the final semester of my undergraduate life soon to begin its been fairly overwhelming to think in a few short months I will officially be "a part of the world". Within all of that come the questions of "where does God want me to be?" and "Will he get me there?" I have wrestled with purpose more times than I can count along this, what seems like, endless season. The conclusion of which will be towards the end of this post.
Along with the "trust" thing I have also noticed a slip in relationship with other people. As a bit of a confession I've been quite bitter and annoyed by people. Whatever the case it would seem in these cases I've decided to examine the speck in others while ignoring the plank within in me (to use a biblical reference). In the end it just seems as though I chose to distance myself, rather than deal with an inconsistency within others (also ignoring my own inconsistencies). To this I say if you feel I've been this way toward you I'm truly sorry. With all of this weighing on me right now I have found hope in the future. This break has been good in many ways and has resulted in a clear direction being painted before me.
In an attempt to have more consistency in my scripture study and quiet times the idea occurred to me to use this blog more as a commentary as well as a place to blog about life. So that is the direction for this going forward. To be more specific I'll be reading through 1-2 Corinthians and trying to blog about each chapter. Beginning today I found myself looking back on something which I blogged about in the past: foolishness.
Of all the scripture within 1 Corinthians 1 its the verses from 18-34 which really stick out to me. I think Paul sums this all up in saying: "For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." As I have progressed through academia (specifically the college level) it would seem this scripture has become more and more real to me. We (ill generalize this to anyone who believes in a "higher being", but more so to us as Christians) have begun seeing a rise in the idea that either religion is bad, or only to be seen when its convenient. More-so than other "religions" Christians have been under an even greater attack. By standing firm on certain issues or choosing to live radically different than our culture we are seen as foolish. In the midst of a barrage of ideas and comfort which our culture brings I can honestly say I found myself compromising for these ideas and taking steps backwards in my faith. Looking back now, I see this time of trial and struggle as more of a gateway to grow in my relationship with Christ.
While the story i'm about to tell could signify a turning point, I think it just seems to solidify what I've come to learn over the last few months. With the break from school I found more opportunities to catch up and hang out with some old friends (which was fantastic to note!). With our usual Young Life party cancelled this year I opted to join my friends in going to a bar in Cincinnati. Upon arriving I found myself immediately uncomfortable within the setting (as I don't drink or "party") outside the small 5 ft. circle which me and my friends occupied. As the night went along the bar/club thing continued to get crammed full of people. While just sitting and watching I got a feeling which I've only had a handful of times. As I sat their I couldn't help but have a feeling of hopelessness and just loneliness. As Ezekiel might put it I was in front of a valley of dry bones, looking for anything that might gratify some inherent thirst for pleasure and life. It also left me with a thought: If this is what "real life" is supposed to be (according to the "college culture" it is) then I would much rather live by this "foolishness" that is the gospel. As I look back on the life I've lived since meeting Jesus I cant imagine turning back. While following Jesus may not be easy, I know its right.
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